“So, When’s the Wedding?” How to Dodge this Millennial Marriage Missile
Ugh. The dreaded question. It hangs in the air at family gatherings, floats over bottomless brunches with distant relatives, and materializes like a pop-up ad at the worst moments.
“So, when are you getting married?”
Because apparently, our lives are incomplete narratives waiting for the happily ever after punctuation of a diamond ring.
Look, boomers, we get it. You married young, built white picket fences, and popped out 2.5 kids before your avocado toast even cooled. But for us millennials, things are a bit different. We’re drowning in student loans, the rent is an ever-escalating existential crisis, and the climate apocalypse is low-key looming. Marriage? It’s more like a luxury side quest in the grand RPG of adulting.
So, how do we dodge this matrimonial missile and reclaim the narrative of our own damn lives? Here’s your survival guide:
- The Jedi Mind Trick: Channel your inner Obi-Wan Kenobi. Look them dead in the eye and say, “Marriage? I haven’t heard that name in years.” Confusion will be your ally.
- The Reverse Uno: Flip the script. Ask them when they plan on retiring to Florida and living solely on bingo winnings and questionable life choices.
- The Brutal Honesty: Look, sometimes honesty is the best policy. “Marriage isn’t exactly high on my priority list right now. Global pandemics and all that, you know?”
- The Pre-Emptive Strike: Head them off at the pass. Walk in with a dramatic sigh and announce, “Ugh, the universe keeps sending me mixed signals on the whole marriage thing.” Watch them scramble to comfort you from the existential dread you’ve just unleashed.
- The Disappearing Act: This is an advanced maneuver. Requires mastering the art of the subtle exit strategy. Cough dramatically, point at something fascinating across the room, and vanish like a millennial ninja.
Remember, your love life is no one’s business but your own. Marriage isn’t a requirement for happiness, fulfillment, or that perfect Instagram post. So, the next time someone pries into your marital plans, hit them with your best dose of millennial sass and march to the beat of your own drum.
